Copyright 2000 -- Robert Baer Jr. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "Mall Madness" DISCLAIMER Road Rovers characters, names, situations and the Road Rovers universe are the property of Warner Bros. I, nor this script/story are connected with Warner Bros. in any way, shape or form. This document may not be publicized or reproduced in any way, shape or form. It must remain fully intact and may not be altered in anyway. It is strictly used for not-for-profit entertainment purposes only, and is not intended to infringe on any Copyrights. This story is written by Robert Baer Jr and the characters Amos Doggie, Hannah, Ben Maddog, Amanda DeSalle, Gila Monster, Starlight, WIld Bill Bluejay, Babs Finchly and Princess are all Robert Baer Jr's creations, copyright 1999-2000. Ace is a creation of Kevin McLeod. Amos Doggie & Hannah -- "Mall Madness" It's early in the morning at Amos & Hannah's house in the bayou. Amanda DeSalle, their new human houseguest, has just woke up and is wandering out into the kitchen. Hannah, in her pink bathrobe, is standing behind the stove cooking breakfast as Amanda sits at the table. HANNAH (looks over to Amanda): Good morning, Amanda! How do you like your eggs? AMANDA (smiles): I like mine sunny side up, thanks! I never realized that you knew how to cook! HANNAH (smiles): I've learned to do a lot of things being married to Amos. AMANDA (looks around): Hey, where is Amos anyway? Is he still in bed? HANNAH (giggles): Not exactly (points): Look over there! Amanda now notices that Amos is securely resting in his hammock tied to two walls in the living room. AMANDA (surprised): Does he always sleep out here like this? HANNAH (nods): He has always slept in that same hammock as long as I've known him (looks at clock on the wall) Well, time to awaken my husband! Hannah walks over to the hammack and gently shakes it. HANNAH (happy): Darling... it's time to wake up! Amos mumbles a few faint words, struggles in his hammack, but doesn't wake up. HANNAH (pushs hammack harder): Honey! Wake Up! Amos once more mumbles and struggles at bit in his hammack. Hannah then grabs one side of the hammack and 'dumps' Amos out of it. He hits the floor and looks up at his wife. Amanda can't help but laugh out loud when she sees this happan. AMOS (surprised): Woman! Why you trow old Amos out of bed like dis? HANNAH (sternly): Because you never wake up until I do! AMOS (smiles): Oh yeah! You be right, me love! (stands up, sees Amanda): Good morning, Amanda! Did ye sleep well? AMANDA (nods): I sure did, Amos. This place seems to be so peaceful and quiet AMOS (smiles): Amos always like it here! (looks at wall clock): Oops! I be finding duh morning paper now! As Amos walks outside, Hannah serves Amanda eggs, toast and bacon. AMANDA (looks at plate): WOW! You really can cook well, Hannah! By the way, what did Amos mean by 'finding' the morning paper? HANNAH (points): Look out the window and you'll see! As Amanda stares out the window, Amos gives out a strange howl and within a minute, a barn owl circles overhead and drops a rolled up newspaper down towards him. He catches the paper, waves, and walks back inside. AMOS (sorts through paper): Amos want duh comics! (take out comic section): Here, Amanda, I be thinkin' you reads the paper all the time, yes? AMANDA (nods): Yes, I do! Thank you! (turns to Hannah): I must say, you have a very lovely home! Who decorated your bathroom? I love that stall shower! HANNAH (nods): Thank you, Amanda! Ace and his brothers helped Amos with the indoor plumbing, and I decorated the bathroom myself! AMANDA (smiles): I'd like to meet this Ace friend of yours sometime! HANNAH (smiles): It so happans, you will be meeting him today! AMANDA (happy): You mean on our mall trip? HANNAH (nods): Yes! Several of our friends will be coming with us, they should be here in an half hour AMOS (ears perk up): Mall trip? Where be dis place called Mall at? HANNAH (shakes head): No no, dear. The Mall is a huge indoor shopping center. I want to buy some new clothes and ... AMOS (smiles): Well, y'all have fun den! HANNAH (confused): Aren't you coming with us? AMOS (shakes head): No! Amos not need to buy anything HANNAH (looks over at him): But I want you to come with us! We'll all have a good time together! AMOS (gruffly): I go not! HANNAH (looks into his eyes): Please? For me? AMOS (sudden smile): Oh, I can not say no to dose blue eyes of yours! Yes, Amos will go wit ya! AMANDA (happy): That's great, Amos! The trip wouldn't be the same without you! HANNAH (serves Amos his breakfast): We better hurry. Amos and I still need to take our showers and.. AMOS (shocked): Shower? This be not the third of duh month yet? HANNAH (sternly): Amos, we talked about this earlier! We're going out today and we need to look and smell our best! AMOS (sniffs, defensive): But Amos smell like a dog! HANNAH (nods): Exactly! A half hour passes and Amanda and Hannah are standing outside waiting for the other to arrive. HANNAH (shouts towards the house): AMOS! HURRY UP!! Amos rushes out the door, buttoning the top of his overalls. HANNAH (upset): Amos! Why are you always wearing bib overalls and a flannel shirt? Look at the two of us! I'm wearing that blue dress you like and see how great Amanda looks in her jeans and red blouse? AMOS (smiles): But Amos like to wear dis! Suddenly a loud BOOM!!!! shakes the ground as the Gila Monster, Princess, Ace, WIld Bill Bluejay, Babs Finchly and Starlight (in her horse-sapien form) appear before them. AMANDA (smiles): You guys sure know how to make an entrance! HANNAH (walks over to Starlight): Starlight! I heard all about it! Congradaulations on becoming a horse-sapien! STARLIGHT (smiles): Thank you, Hannah, but I won't be one all the time. Like Otto and Sam, I'll be in my real form when I'm with my owner. (bubbly): I'm SO excited! I've never been to a mall before! WILD BILL (jumping up and down): Me too! The mall sounds exciting! It's just like that song,"Down by the old mall stream...." ACE (smiles): I think that's old MILL stream, Bill! WILD BILL (confused): Mill? Ya mean we're going to the mill now? BABS (shakes head): No no, darling, we're going to the mall! WILD BILL (confused): Then what about the mill? PIRNCESS (giggles, rolls eyes): We can go there later, if you want to WILD BILL (happy): OK! Sounds good to me! We have to be watch out for all those mice though.. HANNAH (confused): Mice? WILD BILL (nods): Sure! I heard all about the mall rats that run around all over the mall! STARLIGHT (sternly): A mall rat is a generic term refering to young people who congregate within shopping centers, not small furry rodents AMOS (smiles): Congregate? Do dat mean we be going to church? WILD BILL (shakes head): No, Amos, we're goin' be too busy chasing generic mall rats, right Starlight? STARLIGHT (rolls eyes): I give up! AMANDA (laughs, whispers to Hannah): You sure have some very interesting friends! HANNAH (smiles, whispers back): I know, but they're all very nice! ACE (reachs his hand towards Amanda): Hi there! My name is Ace Rover! What's yours? AMANDA (shakes hands): I'm Amanda DeSalle, a friend of Amos and Hannah! HANNAH (smiles): Where are my manners? Forgive me, Amanda, let me introduce you to the Gila Monster, Princess, Wild Bill Bluejay, Babs Finchly and Starlight! AMANDA (wide grin): Pleased to meet all of you! GILA MONSTER (pulls out black box): Well, if we're ready, I'll zap us to the mall! STARLIGHT (smiles): That's alright, Gila, I can use my internal circuitry to ... GILA MONSTER (gruffly): Hey, I know what I is doin', here we go! With a loud BOOM!!!! the entire group disappears. Meanwhile, the scene shifts over to the Globe Theater in London, England. It's three in the afternoon, and the theater is filled to capacity, waiting for the Shakespeare play 'MacBeth' to begin. In attendence are the visiting American President Bill Clinton and his dog Hunter, who are seated next to the British Prime Minister and her dog Colleen. CLINTON (looks all around): Wow wee! This place sure is huge! (turns to the Prime Minster): Say, after the show, let's go out and grab a Chunky Lunky burger and some fries! The audience applauds as a distinguished looking gentleman walks out onto the center of the stage. MAN (shouting): The Globe Theater is proud to present to you this production of Shakespeare's MacBeth! We are honored to have in attendance today our very own Prime Minister as well as President William Jefferson Clinton of the United States! As the crowd bursts into applause, a loud BOOM!!!! shakes the stage, instantly the Gila Monster, Princess, Ace, Amos, Amanda, Hannah, Wild Bill, Babs and Starlight appear on the stage. GILA MONSTER (looks around): This here don't look like the mall to me! MAN (furious): WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS? AMOS (raises hand): I know dis one! It's a word dat means ..... MAN (angry): NO NO! GET OFF THE STAGE!!! BABS (confused): Stage? WILD BILL (looks around): HEY! Look at all those people! (shouts): HI FOLKS! WATCH THIS!! WIld Bill starts tap dancing all around the stage, the audience immediately bursts into laughter. CLINTON (laughing): WOW! I've never seen Shakespeare like this! Hunter and Colleen stare at the stage in sheer fright. They start barking. HUNTER (barking, but understood by Colleen): That's the Gila Monster! COLLEEN (barking, but understood by Hunter): Blimey! There's a bunch of Rovers up there! HUNTER (barking, but understood by Colleen): I would not have predicted this! NO WAY! COLLEEN (barking, but understood by Hunter): HA! Now up there's your comedy! Wild Bill continues to tap dance in spite of Bab's efforts to stop him. BABS (waves arms): BILL! STOP DANCING!!! YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ALL OF US! MAN (screaming): STOP THIS TOMFOOLERY!!!! AMOS (points): His name not Tom Foolery! That be Wild Bill! MAN (furious): WELL I NEVER!!! AMOS (smiles): You must try it sometimes, day say tap dancing be good exercise! The audience continues to roar out in laughter. STARLIGHT (sternly to the others): I've triangulated our present positon, we are in the Globe Theater in London, England! ACE (surprised): London? AMANDA (shocked): England? HANNAH (shocked): Oh dear! WILD BILL (stops dancing): England? WOW! The Land of Engs! So all these people out there are Engs, right? (huge smile): I've never seen an Eng up close before! (shouts out): Hi all you Engs out there! MAN (very angry): YOU BLOAKS LEAVE AT ONCE OR I'LL CALL THE CONSTABLE!!!! WILD BILL (smiles): What ya goin' call him? The audience is laughing even harder now. PRINCESS (turns to Starlight): I think we better get outta here before the cops show up! STARLIGHT (nods): I'm setting my internal teleportation circuitry... almost ready..... ACE (waves to the crowd): Are we on TV? MAN (grabs the Gila by the arm): LEAVE NOW OR I'LL.... GILA MONSTER (holds up 2 x 4): OR YOU'LL WHAT, TWERP? This scares the man so much he runs off the stage, suddenly, a loud BOOM!!! shakes the stage once more, all of the 'intruders' have vanished. The audience, thinking all this to be a part of the play, gives them a standing obvation. CLINTON (shouting out): BRAVO!! BRAVO!!! What a great play! I wish Hilliary was here to see this! Hey! Where's the hot dog vendor at? I could use a cold soda right about now, and ..... The British Prime Minister shakes her head and sighs. COLLEEN (barks, but understood by Hunter): Huntie, your master can't be that stupid, can he? HUNTER (barks, but understood by Colleen): You don't know the half of it... A loud BOOM!!! shakes a rarely used corridor of the mall as Hannah, Amos, WIld Bill, Ace, Babs, Amanda, Princess, Starlight and the Gila Monster instantly appear. WILD BILL (excited): GOODY GOODY!!! (disapppointed): HEY! Where's all the stores at? STARLIGHT (smiles): I chose a seldom used hallway to teleport us here so we wouldn't frighten everyone by suddenly appearing out of thin air HANNAH (nods): That was a good idea! ACE (nods): I agree! AMOS (pointing at sign): The sign say "RESTROOMS" GREAT! We all can be going in der and gittin some rest, yes? PRINCESS (rolls eyes): Not exactly, Amos.... HANNAH (smiles): I have an idea! We ladies all want to buy clothes, you guys would probably rather go somewhere else in the mall. We'll split up and meet in the Food Court at eleven for lunch, alright? AMOS (nods): Dat be a good plan, Hannah! AMANDA (nods): Great idea! And I know just which stores have the trendiest clothes! STARLIGHT (smiles): I'm glad that there is an expert shopper among us! PRINCESS (smiles): Yes! I could use some new jeans myself! HANNAH (turns to Ace): Ace, can you keep an eye on these guys? My husband has a tendency to get into mischief... ACE (smiles): Don't worry, Hannah! You can count on me! The group walks to the end of the corridor and then separates. Babs, Amanda, Hannah, Starlight and Princess walk towards the fashion boutique while Ace, Amos, Wild Bill and the Gila Monster walk in the other direction. The boys soon encounter a merchant handing out free samples of fudge. MERCHANT (smiles): Gentlemen, care for a free sample of our new low fat fudge? AMOS (smiles): Sure, I do like fudge! Before anyone can react, Amos grabs the entire tray and tilts it up into the air, practically 'inhaling' all of the samples in one chomp. MERCHANT (angry): HEY! AMOS (still chewing): Dis fudge do taste a little funny with all dem toothpicks in dem! MERCHANT (snatches tray from Amos): NO MORE SAMPLES FOR ANY OF YOU! As the merchant walks away, Amos is still picking toothpicks out of his mouth. ACE (shakes head): Amos, you were only supposed to take ONE piece of fudge, not the entire tray! AMOS (sadly): Oops, Amos mess up, yes? ACE (smiles): It's alright, let's go over to the .... (looks around): Hey! Where's Wild Bill? GILA MONSTER (points): He ran over to that computer store! ACE (scared): Oh no! Gila, better find him fast before he gets into trouble! Inside the computer store, Wild Bill is fascinated by the 'flying toasters' screen saver displayed on one of the computer monitors. SALES CLERK (smiles): May I help you... sir? WILD BILL (points): I love this TV program of yours! No commercials! SALES CLERK (shakes head): No sir, that's a screen saver, let me demonstrate how easy our new Hombra 455 computer is to use! The sales clerk sits down in front of the computer and begins typing. Wild Bill is astounded by all the action GIFs and other things he is seeing on the monitor. WILD BILL (amazed): WOW!!! All of that stuff, and you use that keyboard so well! SALES CLERK (smiles): Well, I must admit, I'm not a skill typist, I use the hunt and peck method WILD BILL (excited): I use the peck method myself! May I? SALES CLERK (stands up): Help yourself! I have to ring up a sale for another customer, but I'll be right back! When the sales clerk returns, he is totally horrified to see Wild Bill actually 'pecking' the keyboard with his huge beak. Half of the keys have been 'pecked' off and are scattered on the floor. SALES CLERK (angry): WHAT ARE YOU DOING? WILD BILL (still pecking): Using the peck method like you told me to! These keyboards don't last long, do they? SALES CLERK (furious): GET OUT OF MY STORE!!!! WILD BILL (smiles): You look stressed out (reaches into his pocket): Here, have a worm! Before the stunned sales clerk can say another word, Wild Bill pops a live worm into her mouth. She nearly chokes on it and runs to the back of the store. The Gila Monster walks in and grabs Wild Bill by the wing and rushes him out of the store. WILD BILL (confused): HEY! I was just starting to have some fun here! GILA MONSTER (sternly): Ace told me to come git you! Good thing I did! WILD BILL (confused): Why? GILA MONSTER (rolls eyes): Nevermind... ACE (smiles): Good, you got him! I had an idea! We can all go to the arcade! AMOS (nods): Sounds good to me! WILD BILL (happy): Arcade? Those have games, right? ACE (nods): They sure do! WILD BILL (jumping up and down): What are we waiting for? GILA MONSTER (grinning): YES!!! They have VIOLENT games there! Lead on, Ace! The four guys enter the arcade. After exchanging cash for tokens, each finds a video game to play. Ace finds a flight simulator, Amos plays a "Creature from the Swamp" game, Wild Bill plays a "Attack of the Birdpeople" game while the Gila Monster plays a karate warrior game. The Gila gets so 'wrapped up' in his game that he doesn't notice when Ace taps him on the shoulder, trying to tell him it was almost time to meet the girls at the Food Court. GILA MONSTER (very excited): Don't bother me now! I'm about to save the Princess! ACE (tugs on jacket): We have to go now! GILA MONSTER (angry): I gotta save the Princess! I gotta (furious): I just lost my last life! I gotta save the Princess! I just GOTTA!!!! Without hesitation, the Gila Monster picks up his 2 x 4 and smashes the video game with it. ACE (shocked): GILA! Are you crazy? GILA MONSTER (comes to his senses): Uh oh! I guess I got carried away! ARCADE OWNER (running towards them): HEY! YOU BROKE MY VIDEO GAME YOU.... The arcade owner takes a good look at the Gila Monster, gets frightened, and runs away. ACE (sternly): I think we better leave now.... The scene is now the Food Court of the mall. The girls have finished shopping, each carrying many packages in their hands. They all sit down and have lunch together. STARLIGHT (smiles as she eats a french fry): I just LOVE this place! Anything and everything you'd ever want is here! (takes a bite of hamburger): And I LOVE human food! Beats eating just hay and oats anytime! PRINCESS (smiles): Somehow, I knew you'd love it here, Starlight! AMANDA (nods): Starlight, you are well on your way to becoming a true mall shopper! HANNAH (turns to Amos): Well, honey, what did you guys do all this time? Amos, Ace, Wild Bill and the Gila Monster instantly 'freeze'. They just look at each other and bow their heads. HANNAH (sternly): Alright boys, better tell us what happaned! As she is still speaking, their table is immediately surrounded by several mall security officers. Three familiar people approach them. MERCHANT (points at Amos): That's the one that ate all of my samples! SALES CLERK (points at Wild Bill): That's the one that destroyed my keyboard and fed me a worm! ARCADE OWNER (points at Gila): That's the goon take wrecked my video game machine! GILA MONSTER (stands up, angry): WHO IS YOU CALLIN' A GOON? SECURITY CHIEF (sternly): These three vendors want to press charges, you all had better come with me! HANNAH (distressed): OH NO! PRINCESS (shakes head): The Master's not going to like this! AMANDA (starts to cry): This can't be happaning! BABS (worried): Someone better think of something, fast! STARLIGHT (nods): I already have! Help should be arriving soon! A muffled BOOM!!!! is heard down the hallway as a collie and a human lady dressed in a business suit approach them. It's Ben Maddog (in his canine form) and he climbs upon a nearby bench to get a better look. ACE (points): That's Ben Maddog! HANNAH (confused): Ben Maddog? MERCHANT (points): That IS THE Ben Maddog! ARCADE OWNER (nods): The famous attorney! SECURITY CHIEF (shocked): Mr Maddog? What are you doing here? BEN (sternly): What have my clients done here? WILD BILL (confused): Clients? STARLIGHT (turns to Wld Bill): Just play along, OK? MERCHANT (points): That one stole and ate all of my fudge samples! SALES CLERK (points): The bird man destroyed my computer keyboard and fed me a worm! ARCADE OWNER (points): And that.... whatever it is smashed up one of my games! BEN (nods): I see.... what are the damages in monetary terms? MERCHANT (thinks): Well, the dog with the metal arm ate about sixty one dollars worth of MY fudge! SALES CLERK (thinks): That keyboard the bird man wrecked costs seventy four dollars! ARCADE OWNER (thinks): And I paid seven hundred and twenty dollars for the game HE destroyed! BEN (smiles): Then I propose a solution, if I pay for all of the damages, will all of you be willing not to press charges? MERCHANT (nods): Ok by me! SALES CLERK (nods): Alright! ARCADE OWNER (nods): Fine with me! SECURITY CHIEF (interrupts): On ONE condition! (points at Amos, Wild Bill and the Gila Monster) That these three NEVER return to this mall ever again! BEN (nods): Your terms are noted and agreed to! My secretary Miss Grimm will prepare your checks immediately! She also has a legal disclaimer for each of you to sign. MISS GRIMM (points): Follow me over to this table and we'll settle all of this now! As the Mall security officers depart, Ben walks over to Starlight. STARLIGHT (smiles): Thank you, Ben, for coming over on such short notice! BEN (smiles): Any time, Starlight, glad I could help! AMOS (smiles): Tank you, me old friend! WILD BILL (nods): Yeah, thanks for saving our tails! GILA MONSTER (happy): I owe you one, pal! BEN (sternly): I'm glad you feel that way, Gila, because all three of you are going to work off what you owe me at my mansion! I have some yard work that needs to be done and ... GILA MONSTER (angry): I ain't goin' be no gardener! BEN (sternly): Would you prefer jail time? GILA MONSTER (shakes head): I gits your point, Ben! BEN (sternly): I suggest that all of you finish your lunch and then return home. It looks like Miss Grimm is finished, I must return to the office now! Good luck, and boys....stay out of trouble, OK? Ben and Miss Grimm walk down the hallway and vanish. AMANDA (smiles): This is certainly one mall trip I'll never forget! HANNAH (smiles): I think all of us are going to remember this one for a long time to come! WILD BILL (laughs): I did one good thing today! BABS (smiles): What's that, Bill? WILD BILL (laughs): I did manage to give that sales lady from the computer store a free worm for lunch! All of them laugh together as they finish their meal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------